Its really some long time ago since I last posted something. Post army days to now uni life. So much have happened... Days just zoom pass like seconds and before i know it, its going to the end of another sem. Yes, that means FINALS!!! To be exaxt, in 10days time. These weeks have been superbly packed with assignments. Kinda overwhelming but yea, i am responsible for procrastinating till the week before submission (oh, its time i learn... =.=).
After all these mad rush to complete assignments, the after-submission's relief and insercurity combine into a complex feeling which my brain cannot exsctly process. Thus, it hangs - and i just stone. Got this very stoney feel where nothing seems right (no mood to study or play or rest). Just stone only.
Guess that this is a sign that i need some "breather". Need to do something different. Since it's 清明节, i decided to go on a solo journey and pay respect to my great grandma and my grandpa.
It never fails to rain during 清明节。As long as i could remember, it had always been this way. It brings out this solemn feel (rainy days are always emo...). While it poured, i sat at the back of the temple, waiting for the rain to subside. There was the soft chanting of prayer from the recordings amidst of the loud patters of the rain. I just stared blankly into the rain, and let my dense brain drift.
Random things filtered through... About life, how to live life, what am i doing with my life, do i have a life, is the the life that i want, how to improve on what i am living now.... (this is normal for this goon here so please dont alert the psychitrist). Reminded me of something that was brought out during meranti (a workshop): vulnerability. All these time i have always thought that i have to be a more confident person, steel my will and stay strong. I thought that that will make the "strongest" person - psychologically. But i was presented with an new perspective: embrace vulnerability (or so say the video). In fact, I found this really true! A strong-willed person will be able to pull through all adversity but i guess an even tougher person will be able to face uncertainty and accept his/her vulnerability. At this point in time, i definitely dont have such courage. Always "playing safe", doing the things that have more garantee for success rather than the things that i might have preferre to do otherwise. An interesting perspective which i suppose will be benefitial for this uptight wood-block. Haha! Still in quite a confused state now which multiple stuffs loaded into this limited brain of mine. Guess i need some time to zen. Lol!
Wonder how this post will turn out. Typed this on a blogging app...
Anyway, (while i will have to go back to school 3 days still) study break is here!! Wishing all an efficient week ahead! :)
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