too many things

been a really long time since i last posted... seriously.. TOO MANY..

well, i shall try to get them all out.. need not predict... it will be a long post..

 

1. guitar concert + preparation

guitar practice sessions usually spells stoning in a room alone with my scores, a foot stool and, at times, my laptop.. laptop for guitar pro. yet this mental image will be something i will come to miss.. as i will usually take a room to myself, i will turn off all other lights and leave the 1st row on [so that i can read the scores, which was eventually redundant; eventually, the reason it is on is to prevent myself from being locked inside, which is highly possible as we will practice till late.. very late] so as the save electricity.. tienleng will join me occasionally and we will drill on the running notes.. pant.. they have always been a problem for my really rigid fingers.. through the course, i really feel that to a certain extend, i am handicapped.. with inflexible/over-flexible finger and vibrating hands [and a retarded brain], i can really have lots of problems playing what is deemed simple to most i guess.. nonetheless, when there is a will, there is a way right? not prefect but passable i hope..

like i was telling kevin, no matter what happens, time will still pass.. within that fixed amount of time, the concert will start and with a fixed amount of time, it will end.. regardless of the standard, regardless of the preparedness.. so what will come will come and what will pass will pass.. this is a way to get one to brace some difficult times when one feels like running away.. well, i find myself "comforting" myself with the same phrase at times..

my role in the concert is minimal.. firstly due to being too caught up by SC work at the beginning of the year and wasn't able to go for practice and secondly, because i am a music illiterate and wasn't able to catch up with the lag.. it was an act of kindness and was really understanding for the people to lighten my load in terms of guitar.. but being human, i was too shrouded by lots of paradigms.. really sorry for not expressing my gratitude but more of getting upset over myself for not being capable/up-to-standard to contribute.. i get too caught up in my inner world at times.. well, tienleng, perhaps my heart is darker than yours.. lolz..

but as correctly pointed out by Denjz, whatever role, whatever minimal, should be taken up with pride.. glad to say that i did managed to change my mindset long before the concert.. before i heard him say that [like 4 days before concert?].. a few more jobs for me popped up.. 1st, bird whistling.. and 2nd, 青花瓷... the second was a huge thing to me.. because, firstly, i don't sing well and secondly, i don't sing loudly and thirdly, i don't sing with mics and fourthly, I NEVER SING IN FRONT OF A CROWD BEFORE... GOSH.. really scary.. lots of problems.. remembered the first few times of practice is SERIOUSLY cannot make it.. even i felt so.. really appreciated how they never gave up on me and help me rearrange the song.. for that, many thanks to daniel [and junjie too =) ], Oxy and of course denjz.. remembered staying back late in school, jumping around on the stage with daniel on the piano and jingwen and i bouncing around trying to figure out how to add "fill in"s.. and later, due to my very limited range [loud enough to pass], oxy helped fractioned the song so that it will be less straining for me.. many thanks.. remembered at that point of time there were even debates as to whether we should scrap the piece.. remembered being caught in this "either way i will be upset" mood.. if the piece is cancelled, then it will be my fault that they practice for nothing.. if it is not, then i will be screwing up the performance.. found myself wiggling and retreating into my little hole again.. but with the rearrangment, things turned out better.. not to miss out, thanks jing wen for the many encouragement.. feel like a total weakling..

on the countdown of 1 week left to concert, it was mass drilling session.. everyday was a guitar day.. everyday will end at 8 plus? really nice uncle will wait for us or .... left out for uncle welfare [happy EAS day!!] it was then when denjz told us [jingwen and i] that QHC need certain modifications.. no feel of duet [i guess i was to blame in a way].. got to admit that i wasn't much feeling for the song because i was too caught up by the many things i need to take note of.. start with the right note [kevin pointed out that i have problems with pitching and i guess he is right], sing LOUDLY and clearly, not to zhaoxia and most importantly, don't stress.. too much things to note.. denjz then said, shouldn't all these come naturally with feeling for the music? perhaps they may but definitely not the loud part.. personally, i see no meaning in singly loudly then.. singing was just a hobby and what i will do when i am free or emo/reflecting.. never thought that it will be something which will be performed.. since i usually 清唱 or listen to mp3 [at volume 1] i need not sing that loudly.. so it was a great challenge for me..

denjz took the song back and worked on it and came back the next day with a prepared modulation add on to the song.. remembered it was a long day [gp consultation till really late; but a fruitful one.. shall mention about it later perhaps] and in "countdown terms", it was 2 days away from the concert.. this modulation is nice but hard to follow.. coupled with my bad pitching.. there were many many NGs in the practice process.. which made jw and denjz 抓狂.. the new arrangement also need me to use my 假音 as i will be singing part of the chorus which i initially was spared in Oxy's arrangement.. didn't wanna use because it is just too risky.. too weak.. but with denjz' encouragement, was made to use it.. so i was screaming to the phone on friday [concert on the following day].. jw got match and denjz did not come down so practice was through the phone [courtesy of yiwei and his free incoming plan].. as all this screaming will create lots of unpleasant noise pollution, i got to find some secluded place in the school.. so i walked behind the A block to that grassy place beside the railway track.. there were some fond memories but well, it is screaming session.. was pacing around the thick grass and shouting [i can't say singing] to the phone.. sun was setting and there was a nice gradient from blue to orange to gold stretching across the sky.. well, i was still screaming.. earned many mosquitoes' encouragements in forms of kisses.. and the overwhelming support made me decide upon switching of venue [now that the school is relatively quiet with the sky starting to darken]..continued the call on the bench facing the track at A block.. i love that place.. soon, the chamber people too flocked onto the field.. i continued my screaming.. the approx 2 hours call ended and i grabbed a guitar.. got the starting note for the start of verse one and chorus and scream to myself this time.. was really straining.. was fearful that it will eventually spoil my voice..

and the day finally arrived.. was to report to school at 845am to move the stuffs to DBS auditorium.. as usual, lots of stuffs to be moved.. upon reaching the school, met tienleng and xinzi stepping into the school compound.. and they passed me a bottle of chrysanthemum tea bought from ghimmoh.. was totally shocked and touched.. so much so that was at a lost of words.. "for a good performance during QHC".. those were their well wishes.. how i hope so too.. but was really touched..

alright.. get moving! heavy amplifiers, drum set, guitars, stands and chairs too.. since DBS audi does not have chairs.. many checks to ensure that all stuffs are in were conducted.. and soon we were off.. soon, we reached DBS and it was unloading time.. it is sure sweaty business.. perhaps the only thing i will not come to miss.. xP the purpose for reaching the place that early was to do a sound check and tech run for the whole thing.. amps were no longer used as, many thanks to jinghui, we got some other thing to connect to the main speakers.. this meant that we carried the amps for nothing but better safe than sorry... time sped pass really really quickly.. it is hard to believe that we stoned in there for almost a full day.. while others were doing their items, i got daniel, who was always all ready to help and greatly appreciate it, to help me play so that i can practice pitching and 转音.. need to find another place for me to shout and i did found one.. the fire exit.. nice place [though a little stuffy] with nice echo.. so drill and rest.. recharge and then drill again.. voice was rather strained but luckily got the 爱心菊花茶.. lolz.. denjz arrived later and was practicing with him so that daniel can go practice his chamber pieces.. despite being hours from the actual concert, there were still lots of bad zaoxia and wrong pitching.. then there was this need to make it seem like a duet so must have interaction with jw.. and hence a deal was formed: 合唱的部分就看对方.. sounds logical.. fine... lol.. and it turned out quite comical..

lunch just sped through.. oh yar.. many thanks to cyndi for coming down early to be our mc.. and practically rotting along with us at DBS for the day.. soon it was tech run.. lots of stuff surfaced... mics positioning, when to on the lights, when to dim it, when mcs speak, when to shift the things.. was like a race against time.. but it turned out that we did managed most of the issues.. though there is little we can do about the sound system.. really glad to have jinghui and team there sia.. termed "hero" by tienleng and xinzi, they will leap on stage adn adjust the mics for us heroically.. cant imagine the event running without them..

really soon, guest were arriving.. we got changed after setting up the stage.. i was genuinely tired so i skipped dinner and rest at the changing room.. negative thoughts were still polluting my mind.. in fact i was rather convinced that i will flop it.. kevin's words of "你唱歌不好听" was still ringing in my head.. but being that 多面人格 me, i got myself motivated again.. washed my face and prepare for the concert.. the thing is that surprisingly, i wasn't stress at all.. just very 平静.. it was evident that many were stress and it was exhibited in many forms.. from talking a lots to not talking at all.. popped in a stepcil [courtesy of daniel] and glupped down my tea.. flop or not, i will brace it.. it is rare for people to have the chance to have an audience listening to one sing, and i got this very chance.. good or bad, they have to listen.. haha.. so why worry.. remembered denjz sending me a message saying that i will be fine and it ended off with "nike".. and it got a dual impact on me. 1st: nike = victory and 2nd: just do it.. aye.. just do it...

get into position.. guitars in tune.. and kevin emerged with some heat pack which was good as it distract some of the more excited and stress people with something else.. never used a heat pack before but it sure brought warmth to our refrigerated fingers..could hear the increasing amplitude of the chattering of the audience.. meaning more people are streaming in.. imagine the stage opening and then it was all filled.. it feels good but stressful too eh? okok.. dont think too much.. sleep mode.. heat pack into pockets..soon, the mcs were talking and the curtain unrolled.. a really loud cheer set the atmosphere right [it is not going to be a classical concert of just display of skills but something slightly more fun and interactive].. eyes closed and left cheek still pasted against the side of my guitar.. the sound of footsteps gave the indication that it is going to begin and it was reconfirmed with the hitting of the triangle.. here we go!  

things sped pass.. was unsure if it was due to the excited me or us playing faster due to the excitement.. soon it was the end of the first half and time for intermission.. upon the announcement of intermission, it was really scary.. soon, there were people in the backstage and stuff.. O.o reminds me of "teenagers"'s mtv.. but they were just friends doing the delivery job.. remembered i was still behind the curtain, helping cyndi and darren tie their ties.. and as we are still adjusting the ties, the announcement went "10 more minutes to the end of intermission".. and that brought on some laughter.. and hence the suppose to be 20 mins intermission was 30 mins.. since the second half started chambers, i was rather free.. first job was morning glory.. the concert proceed and when it was tico tico, the bird-men, how xinzi termed us [chong tee, xinzi, jason and i], grabbed their bird whistles and moved out.. one per corner of the exits.. from where i was standing, people should not be able to see me because i am in the shadows.. chongtee was suppose to be the first to blow and he was at the exit at the other side [same level].. jason and xinzi were at the circle seats.. so chongtee came in and i remembered the head shifted to his direction and then i blew.. and head turned over.. since the audience wasn't lighted, all i could see were dark faces, followed by rolls of teeth [smiles i guess] so i bared my teeth too [smile back].. we were to exit after blowing and the four birdmen did a woosh outside [at the stairs which xinzi and jason came down from].. xinzi then shared a comical comment of people looking skyward upon hearing the sound of the bird whistle.. LOL..

really soon, it was the closing pieces.. chloro and el bimbo.. chloro was hard as usual but according to kevin, it tuned out rather well.. el bimbo was fast and i think kevin was sey when he conducted the piece.. and after that, it was encore.. QHC.. then there was a crisis.. no mics.. waited and waited.. then there was too many mics.. remembered hongsheng's brother [the brave young man] laughed at me for that.. surprisingly again, i wasn't stress at all.. just shut everything out.. was rather amazed how i managed to condition myself to that state.. perhaps it is somehow when i see others stressed then i will not be stress so as to not accumulate stress... er.. ok.. nevermind.. and it started before i finish adjusting myself.. 眼光扫过audi.. 看见了很多熟悉的面孔.. 脸带微笑.. 心想：若我唱得难听你们也非得听了... to a certain extend, it felt funny.. the tremolo, indicating the start, swap me back to reality.. "素 [drowned by cheers, i guess because the song resonate with the young jay loving mass] 胚勾勒 [can't helped smiling here because i sing wrongly again.. lei or le.. ought to be le but got to accustomed to singing lei and lei blurt out.. lol] 出青花笔锋浓转淡..."  and luckily my pitching wasnt off [at least i dont think i did].. and it ended!! just totally relieved.. junjie's imba phone was sure eye catching.. with the rest of the people smiling or perhaps laughing at me.. i cant help but feel like laughing too.. lolz. the most comical thing is that jw pangsei me.. i remembered making a conscious effort to turn to look at her whenever we are singing together.. look over... wait.. no response.. i swear i nearly burst out laughing because such incident repeated for a couple of times.. and 我不习惯looking at girls at close proximity.. at least that is rather close for me.. this hence earned me a title of "放太多电".. lol.. come to think of it, it is still really comical.. it ended off with 童年.. most of us already heck le.. heck as in got absorbed into enjoying the moment le.. coupled with the slideshow of our comical pictures [danz, xinzi and yiwei ones were particularly funny].. was sitting in front strumming because there is no way we [jw and i can squeeze back into the seats].. got jason and a mic and the three of us sat that the front of the stage..shall leave the malu part of jw and jason out.. we went back and the curtain closed.. and the frenzy began!!!! screams cheers smiles.. yells.. wonder if anyone cried [that will be too extreme] just genuinely happy.. happy that it didnt get screwed up and all our efforts were not wasted.. =) remembered was floating around the place.. really nice of those people to give presents.. got to admit was touched.. never in my life have i though that i will be doing something like this.. doing something so musical in my context.. it spelt the ending of a great chapter of my life now that it is over [though celebrations will last till A levels, so said other year 6s] and the beginning of another chapter of pure mugging.. yes.. this word bound to appear.. 空虚..the concert really bonded us.. at that instant on the bus trip back, it was as though a video was played in the fast rewind manner.. rapid flashbacks of what we have gone through together.. lunch, dinner, trip back home.. and even msn convos.. of course.. buddy days [is it going to be revived?] CNY celeb.. us guitar club people are sure fun-loving and enriching.. definitely more than just pulling strings.. and credits will go to our fun-filled instructor kevin, who made the journey through guitar an enriching and fulfilling one..

thanks to everyone for making it such a joy filled and memorable journey.. thanks to [in no particular order]:

• valerie: for being the 包到完 chairperson.. admin stuff to psychological state of the whole "family", your inputs are definitely crucial and valued.. got to say you did adapt well and seemed to better cope with the work.. not sure if you have been containing the stress but seem to be more smiley [which is good].. do spread work out to others to do in advance lest you snap! get well soon!
• oxy: for being the student conductor and tutoring me about music which can drive the self-proclaimed patient woman nuts.. and of course for the lame joke and lies which will result in a 自high state.. =) jiayou for netball!!
• jingwen: for making long and tiring journeys back entertaining.. the stream of endless stories and the gift to link various interesting stories from simple words is something really amazing about this 6 years friend of my [time files eh?].. thanks for the many encouraging words and the attempt to un-emo me [infj - the emo.. so cannot be helped de right? xP].. jiayou for netball too!!
• daniel: for taking time off and practice various parts with me, though it will usually end you up in hot soap because you played the crucial role in chambers, etc.. thanks for believing in me being able to make it.. and for being there to share my problems or just to emo.. well, fellow infj sync right? [shall not comment about the race for the front seat between infj py and danz]
• lengzai: yes.. thanks for the tea and of course.. for accompanying me in the container class room.. for trading comments with me about how to improve.. being there to trigger funny stuffs.. and for attempting to snatch the noob title from me which obviously you will lose because you learn fast.. and yes, for shouting for us to go ghimmoh.. too bad we didnt get to stay but there will come a day.. =)
• yiwei: fellow twin? nay.. only at face value.. this guy is imba smart.. the few that made it into top 4 [melody of hope?].. thanks for reminding me to 敢敢唱..thanks for accompanying me to eat because our lesson is always the last to end.. for carrying amps with me during recess.. for providing them with the phone to play golf and for me to call denjz [nono, for denjz to call me]..
• chong tee: for tutoring Guitar 3.. being always patient and a smiley alternative to stress imposing oxy at times.. xP not speaking out much but still contributing lots to guitar.. imagine guitar 3 without chongtee.. silence... lolz.. i shall present you your handphone as a token of appreciation.. LOL [i better remember]
• xinzi: for your ever entertaining self!! you just got the x-factor to tickle the funny bone in everyone.. yes, fellow bird man.. can still remembered your very eye catching pose when blowing the bird.. hahaha.. ah, got that nice city builder game too.. thanks for carrying all those heavy stuffs too.. cheers.. no more.. and finally for the chrysanthemum tea.. =)
• pingyen: for being "school bully"!! or should i say, entertaining us by taking up that role.. a person of strong personal stand and take to various issues, pingyen rises to the occassion when ever initiatives are needed.. pinyen sure gives people a sense of sercurity.. especially with a bat in the hand.. refer to daniel for picture.. lolz..
• eddy: for playing a fool at times of seriousness.. times when that will melt some stress away.. purposely increasing the tempo of the drums so that 童年 will double the tempo.. lolz.. funny.. it's a small small world eh? absence make the heart grows fonder [i defy py's order with a strikeout]stay cool and funky and "emo" hair.. lolz..
• kevin: for all the hardwork and effort input into us.. all the free meals you provide.. all the sharing sessions when we will talk till the shops close.. [like ah peks chatting] all the cliches phrase and comments made in the kevin-way.. stupid 的 lor/la.. shit 的 lo/lar.. or stupid! [with a large exclamation mark] and the 有没有搞错.. ahaha.. and the smell of the perfume in the car will be something i will come to miss i guess.. all the experiments to prove that solids CAN be compressed held in kevin's car, along side with screams at each bends or certain ahem* photos as inter-human forces of interaction come into play.. fret not.. guitar guys are perfectly straight.. i hope at least.. many thanks for the trading of comments as that is how one progress to higher heights.. i am sure you will lead dhsge to great heights.. =)
• denjz: for helping me out in QHC and also arranging the many non-guitar instruments.. from the tuning to amps etc.. 多才多艺 is the only way to describe this guy.. from yoga to music.. nothing stops him.. the stamina to listen to me scream into the phone for 2hours is really commendable too..
• jinghui!!! and team + MCs + ushers + photographers: for all the non-profitable help you people provided.. the concert seriously will not be able to pull through..considering all the numerous sacrifices you people got to make and not gaining any thing from it.. such attitude is really commendable and greatly appreciated..
• Mr Soh and Ms Ho: for all the troubles.. from translating the jap text to booking of the venues.. stoning with us for sat practices and tabao-ing food for us.. budgeting and ticket sales.. helping us buy time with the innovation of a quiz session before chloro [it did suceed with an over run though] and the faith in us to be able to perform.. such concern and help really went a long way.. thank thank thanks!!
• audience: for being so supportive and cheer-y.. it was seriously motivating.. was a pity that we could not stay long to chit chat after the concert considering that we overran.. and got to pack up and leave the place.. thanks for the positive comments but negative ones are welcomed too.. paiseh wasn't able to celebrate anting's bday properly considering that we were all rushing with the last round of loading and unloading.. many thanks for the many gifts of flowers to chocolates to short notes.. really touched.. never had this type of situation before so dont know how to react.. was a pity that flowers and chocolates are perishable goods.. but it is the thoughts that counts.. =)
• and the list goes on... haha.. shall not continue but all supports in any form is greatly appreciated..

the next day was bbq.. remembered was half asleep the whole day.. the night ended late as the few of us set off for chomp chomp [courtesy of kevin again].. the moon was really low and it carried a tint of red.. i remembered being shocked by how large it was.. too bad.. not camera again.. went to pasir ris park to meet the people.. and later lay on the grass beside the beach and stared at the sky.. yiwei was there and later valerie joined in.. upon laying on the grass, i got this intuition that i will see a shooting star.. and indeed.. i saw not one but two.. the first one was really lucky.. was staring at the sky and as one stare, more stars will appear.. and i though i seen one appear.. to make sure, i shield my eyes and take a better look and woah! the first shooting star shot across.. was rather faint and guess will not have seen it if not for shielding my eyes.. the second one was seen by the three of us.. brought back really fond memories of bintan.. typically when a shooting star zip across the sky.. pause.. someone will say "did you see that?" and then if at least one more person sees it, then there will a mini cheer.. haha.. well, that did happen then too.. 眼底心空.. feels good.. listening to mp3 player and staring at the sky.. volume 1 of the mp3 player sounds really clear there.. nice place.. it was a bbq which i ate the least.. one chicken wing, 2 satay and many mashmallows.. running around barefooted does feels quite good only that the few seeds do cause some pain to the leg..

 

 

 

 

well, this post is getting too long.. shall stop at point 1. and share the rest the next time..

 

better get back to mugging..

 

embrace the new life of mugging..

 

 

 

 

 

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